kismaayo:

job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job

(via condom)

shinymaplesquid:

shinymaplesquid:

I just got a wrong number text from a stranger that said: “hey can we use ur pool there’s a moose in ours”

#welcometocanada

I’ve never received such a funny text in my life I can’t breathe

UPDATE:
I told them “yes if you send a pic” & they sent me tHIS

image

(Source: pancakessexual, via trust)